Although I should be happy, I do feel... differently about this.
I won't even try to be specific, but bear with me.
For the longest time, I'm used to blocking out my negativity in person thanks to certain people like my dad. I was used to saying "I'm okay" and not even bother saying what's on my mind because that's just putting so much on a person you're talking with.
Well, I realized now that I'm starting to blurt things out to people I can trust, but it terrifies me to do so although they say it's okay to speak it out. I feel like I'm becoming vulnerable.
I want to look at the positive and move on, but I know that I still cling to the past.
A lot people could relate to this, huh?
I'm not scared of being alone and forgotten.
It does bother me at first, but I eventually move on with it. Just like any other human being, it does hurt emotionally. But I think I rather stop clinging to people so much and come off as needy.
Although, despite what I say, there are painful moments that I can't seem to just easily tear away this time.
But no matter what, seeing someone else having a happier life will make me hope.
There are times that I think to myself that life can be so worthless... and it does show in front of my mother sometimes but she only thinks I'm depressed, which I don't mean to be. It just comes off that way when I let my guard down.
But seeing how much of my loved ones died before me, I can't bear the thought of others seeing how I truly feel. It'd just show that I'm selfish and ungrateful, which I try not to be.
Enough of my whining haha.
I need to be strong and carry my life on.
Regardless of how I may feel, there are other's who need to know that they're worth much more than they can ever think.
I may be sad, hurt, and angry at several things... and I'll even cry and scream once in awhile... but there are people I live for. With them around, I can have reasons to try and enjoy this life.
I'll even admit right now that I'm heartbroken.
I have no right to feel this way because I am the one who led it on to the end.
That person deserves every bit of happiness. Something that I do feel like I ruined.
No matter how painful it is to hold in every single tear within me, I'll never shamelessly give in to my own selfishness. I will honor and respect her by giving my best smile.
Because regardless of how I feel, her happiness is more important than my own.
With that said, thanks to anyone who has been a part of my life no matter how big or small time has allowed it to be.